You’ve seen in prior posts how unattended desks at the HostGator offices can become innocent victims to roaming gangs of hooligans armed with pads of post-it notes and bent upon the defacement of perfectly clean work areas. Well, it’s happened once again. And I’m taking it personally, mostly because it was my desk this time.
It all began when I was summoned out of town for a week, on official HostGator business. I received cryptic text messages throughout the week about a “surprise” that I would receive upon my return. Multiple people from multiple departments, acting so innocent and saying how jealous they were about my surprise, and how great of a surprise it was. Little did I know.
No reason to beat around the bush, we might as well just tear the band-aid off in one swift motion. So, here it is; this is what I found upon my return to the office, in all it’s glory:
It hurts even just to look at, I know. Since we’re already here, though, we might as well take this all in piece by piece. Hopefully we can find clues as to the identity of the culprit, or culprits. We must endeavor to put a stop to this once and for all! Let’s have a look from a different angle, maybe that will help us make some sense out of this tragic circumstance:
We’ve come to expect the excessive use of post-it notes, and balloons have even been known to appear from time to time. But tinsel? Tinsel! This is just getting out of hand. Tinsel was never intended to be used in this manner. Tinsel is supposed to be for celebrations! This is no celebration, not at all! And gift wrap! This is a travesty. Let’s look closer as this inappropriate use of tinsel and gift wrap:
The above image is what used to be my mouse. It was placed on a bed of post-its, under a layer of tinsel and then gift-wrapped (well, probably not in that order, likely it was gift-wrapped first, but I digress…). There’s simply no excuse for this sort of behavior, it’s un-called for! Speaking of inappropriate gift wrapping, here’s a couple pictures of my monitors:
To be fair, only one of them was gift-wrapped, the second monitor was pseudo gift-wrapped, but with file folders instead of wrapping paper. I assume either the culprits ran out of wrapping paper, or otherwise were attempting to send me a specific message of some sort. I’m working very closely with Gator CSI in order to determine exact nature of the cause of this misappropriation of file folders, but clearly this was the work of an experienced hooligan.
Moving right along across the desk, we come to the computer tower and telephone; both of which have been treated in a way unbecoming of a computer tower or a telephone. The decorative “Sean” artwork was pre-existing, but everything else shown in this picture likely makes your blood boil! On the right is the telephone, and it’s worth noting that the base and the receiver were both gift wrapped separately. Oh, the humanity!
Truth be told, to this day, the receiver remains still gift wrapped, and will remain so until these culprits are brought to justice! If you’re like me, this is almost too painful to continue, but let’s finish what we started and take a look under the desk:
You can’t really make out what the balloons say in the image above, but I’ll tell you what they say. They say “congratulations.” Congratulations. Clearly this message was hand-picked in order to rub salt in the already very, very painful wound. I have no choice but to keep an eye out around the office, after something like this you really just never know who you can trust. It’s heart-breaking, almost.
And then there was the chair. How can you mess with a man’s chair? To my knowledge, this is the first time a chair has ever been involved in a crime of this nature. “Have a Seat,” it says. Have a seat, indeed!
To show just how far-reaching the impact of these types of activities can be, I will now share with you a picture of what my desk looks like today. We are trying to rebuild, but we just don’t have the resources necessary to make a full recovery yet. It is a sad, sad work space these days:
As mentioned, the telephone receiver remains gift wrapped and there is still lingering tinsel. Not shown: a solitary balloon still under the desk. I don’t know if we’ll ever get rid of all the post-it notes, but at least the mouse has made a full recovery.
If you have any information as to the identities or whereabouts of those who committed this heinous crime, please notify your local authorities.